'most people want to be perfect, flawless and beautiful, but not me'

i want to be great. that’s it, my want in its simplest form. i want my name to be remembered when i’m gone. think about it, you know your grandparents names, maybe your great grandparents but what about the rest? the hundreds of family members that had once been, do you know about them? does…
-a wise friend once told me.

borlase.

had my interview at Borlase today, not too bad after all. To be honest, in the end I though it was quite enjoyable. ha. But I’ll never get in, oh well.

when am i going to listen this eh?

today's given lecture...
Be confident.(easier said than done). To many days at wasted comparing ourselves to others, and wishing to be somethig we aren't.(tell me about it). Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is only when we except who we are and aren't, that ou will truely succed.(personally, complete bull shit).

Free

Wsjsjisbsks

I was ill for a few days and frankly I still am, and alright it's not like I am dying but it just got me thinking how life is so upside down at times, how we need to cherish each moment before were are gone, after all we have all of eternaty to think inside our box of a coffin. Should me how much people did care, even when my wasn't. But truely those five days of being contagiously sick were the best days of this month. I watched Hindi movies all day at my next door neighrbour, Seemas house. Shahrukh Khan all the way!

temptations.

what can I do?

if you wanna come back, it's alright it's alright.

Dear reader,
I am a strange one and I’m not ashamed to say it, I’m not pretty, popular nor am I perfect. I have been hurt and teased all my life and frankly i have hurt myself quite badly in the past. I’m insecure as hell and compare myself to everyone. I bring myself down with every imperfection i have and critize every little detail. School is one of the hardest part of my life with all my gorgeous friends. Although I try and hide it with a smile or say nothing, my colour gets me down the most and I think I am not worth and too ugly to hang with my friends.
Dear friends,
You make my life my life. Yes I get teased by you mostly but I’ve learnt to not take to heart, it’s a joke, I get it. You bring me out of my shell and make my insecurities disappear. You are all utterly jaw droppingly beautiful, it makes me ashamed to be with you, but you seemingly push those worries away too with our laughs and banter. I know I am irratating as hell, thank you for putting up with me.

this is the end of you and me.

I just can't believe how people can be so blind to what's right infront of them, to be honest I can't believe I was blind enough to believe you. For fucksake, yeah eveyone has their off days, look at me, my fucking life is an off day but I don't bring my bloody the people who love me down, and then out of nowhere your magically fine right, fucking sort your head out mate, in my eyes your life is so close to perfection, I look up to you. and you act like this and bring others down with your fucking mood. So today I showed you an insight of what you do, it was a mirrored impression of you. Hope you liked my drama skills.

i love you?

I hate how people throw the phrase 'i love you' like its the easiest thing to find to their 'other halves' these days, like its real but its not. I have figured out that two face bitches can say it with out a twitch in their eyes to suggest otherwise. Isn't that weird, love never used to been that, love never was meant just to be thrown about like that. You fucking pricks, you aren't even in love. It just frustrates me when new found couples start to say 'i love you' on the second day and then break up after a week, its like they don't understand what the overall meaning of love is. It's not the first one to say I love you, nor is it just for the show of it, it means something much more, something some people are to stupid to understand.

Georgia O'Keeffe

amazing artist. just love her work. check her out.

friends?

it's times like these I need you the most.

Noodle Nation.

nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.nom.

sucide?

You know what I just don't get it! I don't get why someone would commit suicude when they have so much going for them in their life, okay I understand if theres nothing left for a person to live in this wold, but still than your wasting your life away, when so many people die without wanting too, and alright even I may have had the slightest thought about suicide, but I know I would d never go through with it, im not a fool, my family already lost my sister I think it would be abit too much if they lost me aswell, and sometimes it may seem that I hate them and just want to be as far away as possible I still love them and care enough to never break their hearts in that kind of way if any. However it hurts me to think how some people think that they don't have anyone that cares, although it makes me appreciate what family and friends I have, it makes me really upset. No-one and I mean no-one should feel like they have nobody in their lives who gives a damn about them, because I have had my moments when I have felt like that and it is an utterly horrible feeling. If you need I am here for you.

am I ever going to be good enough for you?

no. I'm never going to be good enough to you, no matter how good I try to be; to be honest I don't really know when you are going to realise that I am never going to be your perfect daughter, nor am I going to be both me and Maria in one. Having high expectations has always been part of my whole life, but the thing is 'me' only equals to disappointments, and in my fathers words an irresponsible immature child. What can I do, its me and I am realising after 15 years that they are not going to be put down, by them comparing me to their friends children. Fucksake, just look at them; no offense, cause I don't really know them (you see I stay well away from my family's friends) but they all look like they have no social life, or a life full stop. Sorry you never had your chance of your ideal daughter, you'll just have to be put up with a failure of a daughter I am instead.